Ash Wednesday

Psalm 130:3-4

 "If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
 But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared."

 

I am not Catholic, but today (Wednesday) is the day the LORD laid on my heart to get real about how I am worshiping food and how it has become my idol.  He is forcing me, lovingly, yet firmly, to realize how this addiction, this sin has such a strong hold on me.  It is something He has been showing me for a while and I kept listening and telling myself to get around to doing something about it, and yet would do nothing.....or would start to do something and when obstacles got in the way, quit doing, but kept listening.

 

I realized I need to stop focusing on "doing" and just merely "listening" and actually do some surrendering. In panic that I was going to have to lay down the foods I worship the most (breads/chips/crackers, and all desserts) for Lent, I sent my beloved husband on a run to a fast food Mexican restaurant, as if I was going to the electric chair and would never have the opportunity to eat Mexican food again.  I ate way more than I should have, especially since a few hours earlier I had already had dinner, and felt not only gross and miserable, but also lots of shame that I was in such a pathetic state.  I'm not as dependent on Christ as I once thought and that is about to change.

Father,

I need you.  Forgive me for running to food instead of running to Jesus.  No bread, chip, cracker, or dessert til Good Friday is what You have laid on my heart.  I am laying food at your alter, at your feet, LORD.  Forgive me for worshiping and loving IT mroe than I love you at times.  May I worship only You, my Creator, and no other created thing, in Jesus' name.